Now I will admit I have been at a 1 Baby Shower. Needless to say it was not the place I wanted to be. If it had not been for it being my 1st niece I wouldn't have been there. To me this is strictly a female event. Men are totally outta place, uncomfortable and are only there because they are 'In Love' with their new BM. Babies are a blessing but being around females, booties, diapers, bibs, toys, small clothes that a grown woman aint wearin', cribs, nursery books, car seats and the like are not where a man needs to be. We are not thinkin bout colors, remote speakers, blankets or anything pertaining to 'baby'. All we are there for are food, desserts and drinks. We aint got time for games, talkin to women who are discussing what we gon dew. We wanna watch the game, play on the playstation, check our fantasy team, talk about Kim Kardashian's arse.
Sorry Baby, but we got the rest of your life to spend time with you aint no need to glorify this Anticipated Overrated Baby Inaugaration Address.
Baby Showers are sooo not necessary!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Males at Baby Showers
WTF Friday?????
So….its Friday, AGAIN…and I’m pondering the many questions of life! LOL, such as:
WTF??????
WTF can’t I get to work on time – no matter HOW early I get up?
WTF is there always someone on the train HOGGIN a seat. Your water did NOT pay a fare!
WTF do people schedule early morning meetings on Friday? Don’t they know Thursday is drankin night?
WTF can’t I quit FaceBook?
WTF do people insist on talking to me early in the morning?
WTF does the Real Chance at Love reunion come on every night? 5 times?
WTF do I watch it EVERY time?
WTF is the purpose of a 5 day workweek?
WTF is this on the bottom of my jeans?
WTF are people in this office so loud?
WTF do people insist on putting shyt in my inbox?
WTF do people want to share their issues…they GOTTA know I’m not listening?
WTF am I gonna get some? UGH!
WTF is on YOUR mind?
Hand Me a Clock?
Reality TV has been suggested to me a MULTITUDE of times; however, never quite as OFFENSIVE as what I'm about to tell ya.
I was having, what seemed to be, a perfectly normal conversation with my current love interest. Real Chance at Love was on my television. (It wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping my attention, I might add). That’s when he said it! “Why don’t you go on one of those”?
WTF?????????
Did I miss something?
So I investigate further by asking “WHY on EARTH would I need to do that”? He responds, “To get your blog going”?
Are we serious? Really? Now I know that Patent and I are the only folks that comment on our blog BUT we’ve only given the address to one person.
THESE are all things that I’d rather do than EXPLOIT myself and family because I want attention:
NOT blog while at work
Pay my taxes
Eat with Anthony Bourdain
Go on tour with Souljah Boy
BUY a Souljah Boy albumDATE Souljah Boy
Vote Republican
Count my eyelashes
Pay child support
Pay spousal support
Take out the trash
Bathe in the trash
Loan my vagina to Pam Anderson (she gets it in)
Diet with Nicole Ritchie
NOT blog at work
DO SOME WORK
Clip my grandma’s toenails (she asks)
Befriend Danny Bonaduce
Give up my Blackberry
Keep up with the Jackson’s noses
Keep up with Lil Kim’s noses
Do Jim Jones’ laundry
Piss off Kanye
Ponder life w/ Lil Wayne
Be Bobby Brown
…and that’s just off the top of my head!
UGH!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Would the REAL musicians PLEASE STAND UP?
I'm not a fan of radio much, these days!
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE music! Every so often I catch an “ear glimpse” into the world of music by listening to some of the CRAP my kids chant around the house. I grew up in the era of NWA and Uncle Luke (LOL) and remember the struggle against censorship; however, this crap today…is on the RADIO!
These are just some of the reasons I think MUSIC, not just hip-hop, is dead:
Wait’ll you see my d*ck
Ummm…..ok? Ladies? You have got to tell me that this is not where we are with pick up lines! First off….Imma go head and say it. Those brothers are NO LOOKERS. Now you mean to tell me that the most clever thing that they can come up with to say to a chick is wait til you see my d*ck? I think I’m going to pass!
Fabolous
Otay, Buckwheat. Why do people feel like they can just make up their own damned words? Now, Mary jumped ALL the way out there and invented a whole new language with “Family Affair” *giggles* and I’m with you Mary. But how do you take a REAL word and just spell it any ole way you want to? “Hands in the Ayer”? WTF???? That better be a tribute!
“Lesson 8…conversate”
You keep right on conversating, girl! LOL, the rest of will be right over here speaking English.
PLIES!!!!!!!
Ugh! Sit down! I don’t even want to elaborate on this. This man is gonna encourage a WHOLE lotta little girls to be disappointments to their daddies.
Champagne equating success
If I hear one more song poppin a damned bottle??????? WTH? Can we pop something else for a change? Maybe some Bonds, IRAs, Investments, some form of saving some $$$$. I’ll sing that song. WHOOOOA we going to the bank…..OOOOOOH! LOL
Subtle sexual innuendo
Have you listened to some of these damned lyrics? Can you keep up by DC (and Kidz Bop did a cover) WTF????? There is nothing worse than hearing your innocent baby walking arount singing bout "beating it like a cop"!
Chopped and Screwed
Why, oh why? This phrase has officially taken over the English language. SEND IT BACK! It’s not the only one either! “Get like me”, “Ain’t trickin if you got it”, “Swagga like”, “Please Excuse My Hands” and any other phrase overused on MySpace taglines!
Crank Dat Superman, Spiderman, Robocop, Porky Pig, Popeye the Sailorman, Strawberry Shortcake
What in the blazin blue balls is that lil fellers problem? Seriously. SD&STFU sometimes
ENVELOP FOLLOWERS
Leave that shyt in the 80s with Zapp and Roger Troutman, Please! Leave me with my memories of Computer Love!
Sheesh….that’s all. For NOW!
Brrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
Monday, January 26, 2009
I Love You...Not!
I remember it like yesterday! Only it was 2 years ago. Getting DUMPED on Valentines Day. Well actually, I never officially GOT dumped. Based on hear say...he just decided NEVER to speak to me again. LOL!
Made it a bit difficult to repossess my car from him. This also made the romantic weekend get away that I had planned...quite awkward! LOL; yet, sobbing at the same time!
What is your WORST Valentine memory???
You ever have one of them days? Your tired and you have to go to bed ASAP so you can get as much rest as possible in order to function best you can. Then it crosses your mind to just 'Fukitol'. I mean really, you can take a hit from missing 1 day of work, rigt?
WTF were they thinking?
Now I love me some "Purple One" but each morning, as I travel into work, the iPod pops this album cover up...and I can't help but giggle? Seriously, it never fails!
My Top 5 WTF moments:
5. Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie - Seriously...WTF???? I STILL don't think I...quite sure...understand? I don't even know?
4. Dave Chappelle Show ending - WHO saw that coming? My feelings are still hurt over that!
3. Being Bobby Brown - *giggles* That's bout it. I'm just gonna giggle!
2. Flava Flav gets women to fight over him - My ass can't find a decent guy SHITWHERE; however, Flava Flav has endless flocks of women fighting over him? Life is sooooo unfair!
...and #1 would have to be:
Terrance Howard sings! Thats it! Thats all! There ain't no more!
What makes you say WTF?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Top 5 Reasons I HATE the Metro: Today
Okay, so the Metro has its pluses; however, lately I have been forced to observe ALL of the reasons why Metro is not my friend.
5. Punctuality - Metro clearly has a blatant disrespect for me being on time. When I'm on time - they're LATE. When I'm late - They're LATE AS HEL. When I'm early - well...shyt i'm SURE they'd find some way to EFF that up, too!
4. Tourist - enough said! My black ass is trynna get to work. You're pissin me off with your FBI hats and cameras flashing! Why are you even up and out at this time? SHEESH
3. Escalators - Dawg? You may as well just call them stairs! They are never functioning in the direction that I want to go in. Up or Down? LOL, though it's nothing like arriving at a Metro station with a 2,000 foot ascent and seeing it not functioning. Shouts of SHIIT! FUUGGGG THIS! AWWWWW MAAAAAN! are hilarious!
2. Lap Dancers - Man? you know you got a big ass! I GOT a big ass! Why do you wanna come sit right HERE???? Get up OFF my lap!
1. Gas - Anonymous gas. You can't hold that shyt in? Once those doors close...we ALL trapped and suffocated! Then it leaves you playin the guessing game...Who Dealt it???? Who tends to get blamed? The person with the biggest butt, right? NOT good for me if I'm standing!
Ugh!
FlashBack Friday!
“your Muva” was thee single most vicious thing you could EVER say to someone?
Television shows actually had casts?
Michael Jackson was THE MAN?
Pong could entertain you for HOURS? I mean it was a little ass line and a ball and a “bloop” sound! AMAZING!
Superman the movie looked believable? LOL, the special effects NOW look whack as hell!
Bobby Brown was a heartthrob?
You used to sit by the radio with your finger on the “Record” button, trynna make a mixtape? LOL OR video mixtape while watching Video Soul?
You called someone and got that annoying busy tone. Wasn’t nothing you could do but WAIT…or do an “emergency breakthrough”. LMAO
You could play on peoples phones WITHOUT them calling you back. I KNOW ITS YOU RAY-RAY! The caller ID say Ray Smif!
Getting touched on the butt (or touching a girls butt) was like sex?
You thought the year 2000 was gonna be like the Jetsons?
Biker shorts were the rage?
Your time telling skills were based on “when the street lights came on”?
You paid damn near $100 for an outfit that looked like someone had worn it for years? USED jeans man? LOL
Jim Carey was funny?
One pair of shoe laces just WASN’T enough?
You didn’t have cable…you had Super TV?
Work the Walls got a REAL video?
Crystal Skate was the “hangout”?
You wanted to be on that Dance Connection with the “Moon Man”?
You’d get dressed to go walk the strip at Hains Point and see who could get the most numbers?
Landover Mall had stores?
Baltimore seemed like another country? Well? LOL
There were concerts at the Capital Center?
They instituted uniforms in the schools?
You would get pysched to hear that police band come to your school?
EU went national with Go-Go?
Mostly I remember when my ass…
