Wanted: Write your Classified

Carmen Cosmo is ISO:

A 5 bedroom home that cleans itself. Must perform electroshock therapy on smart mouth children for THINKIN about doing wrong.

Home should self stock itself with steaks, batteries, and champagne. Should also have self camoflauge abilities to dodge ALL bills and unwanted guests (particularly bill collectors).

Willing to pay up to 7mil...after self camo abilities are proven!

CarmenCosmo lists herself:

Are you in the market for a modern day Stepford wife? This 2010 model: cooks, cleans, nurses, brings home the bacon AND satisfies!

I take GREAT pride in making my man happy, to the fullest! Wanna watch the game? No problem! Wanna hang out with the fellas? NO problem! Matter of fact...invite the fellas over! I LOVE to cater to my man AND his friends.

Call me your homie lover friend!

Interested individuals are free to inquire within.

*Must mention, said model has a HEAVY alcohol intake and is liable to say ANYTHING when inebriated. Previous info should not be perceived as factual!


LLS

Promise me you won't get mad.

Aint this some sh!t? Here it is, you know the information you about to get is gonna make you mad. Whenever those words come out it instantly makes your being unsettled and upset. Regardless of if you promise or not, you gonna get mad. How can you expect a person not to get mad? It's obvious that the person knows you well enough to know what ticks you off. This to me is the 'Ultimate Cop Out!'

And why is it that the person has convinced themselves that you 'shouldn't really be mad' cuz they bein' honest?

What's your take?

Vintriloquity

Don't you wish you had a Dummy to talk to all the Dummies you come in contact with. Just think, whenever somebody come at you with a stupid question, observation or look the Dummy automatically says what's on YOUR mind.

Here some phrases the Dummy would use in Response:
"Don't you see HE workin'?"
"Now's not a good time"
"Didn't He give that answer already?"
"Are you sure you wanna do that?"
"Can't you see HE eatin'? He don't come at you desk askin you questions during lunch do HE?"
"You might want to do some'n bout that 'friend' you got hangin in ya nose!"
"You know what, HE didn't speak to you earlier. Let's keep it that way. BYE!!!"
"NO!!! HE already said he got plans for lunch!!!"
"If HIS music too loud, maybe you aint focused enough on ya work"
"Sho Wuz!!! That's what you heard!!! HE said NIGGA!!! WHAT?!??!?!"