You Got KNOCKED the FUUUUUUG OUT!

Boy, am I glad I didn’t pay for THAT SHAT?

I’m grateful that someone else did, though. It was AMAZING. 2 minutes and 58 seconds of pure AZZ whooping! I really thought Hatton was DEAD!

As I sat on the couch, minorly buzzed, I began to think of all the things that I had done that night that lasted LONGER than Hatton’s ass!

It took longer than 3 minutes for me to:

Get dressed to go TO the fight party

GET to the fight party

POUR my drink at the fight party

DRINK my drink at the fight party

Update my Facebook status approxiomately 332 times

Take my SHOES off at the fight party. SIDEBAR: Why black folks always want you take your shoes off in their house? But the carpet ain’t even clean? Please take your CARPET off!

What’s YOUR take? NOT on the carpet? LOL

Wanted: Write your Classified

Carmen Cosmo is ISO:

A 5 bedroom home that cleans itself. Must perform electroshock therapy on smart mouth children for THINKIN about doing wrong.

Home should self stock itself with steaks, batteries, and champagne. Should also have self camoflauge abilities to dodge ALL bills and unwanted guests (particularly bill collectors).

Willing to pay up to 7mil...after self camo abilities are proven!

CarmenCosmo lists herself:

Are you in the market for a modern day Stepford wife? This 2010 model: cooks, cleans, nurses, brings home the bacon AND satisfies!

I take GREAT pride in making my man happy, to the fullest! Wanna watch the game? No problem! Wanna hang out with the fellas? NO problem! Matter of fact...invite the fellas over! I LOVE to cater to my man AND his friends.

Call me your homie lover friend!

Interested individuals are free to inquire within.

*Must mention, said model has a HEAVY alcohol intake and is liable to say ANYTHING when inebriated. Previous info should not be perceived as factual!


LLS

Promise me you won't get mad.

Aint this some sh!t? Here it is, you know the information you about to get is gonna make you mad. Whenever those words come out it instantly makes your being unsettled and upset. Regardless of if you promise or not, you gonna get mad. How can you expect a person not to get mad? It's obvious that the person knows you well enough to know what ticks you off. This to me is the 'Ultimate Cop Out!'

And why is it that the person has convinced themselves that you 'shouldn't really be mad' cuz they bein' honest?

What's your take?

Vintriloquity

Don't you wish you had a Dummy to talk to all the Dummies you come in contact with. Just think, whenever somebody come at you with a stupid question, observation or look the Dummy automatically says what's on YOUR mind.

Here some phrases the Dummy would use in Response:
"Don't you see HE workin'?"
"Now's not a good time"
"Didn't He give that answer already?"
"Are you sure you wanna do that?"
"Can't you see HE eatin'? He don't come at you desk askin you questions during lunch do HE?"
"You might want to do some'n bout that 'friend' you got hangin in ya nose!"
"You know what, HE didn't speak to you earlier. Let's keep it that way. BYE!!!"
"NO!!! HE already said he got plans for lunch!!!"
"If HIS music too loud, maybe you aint focused enough on ya work"
"Sho Wuz!!! That's what you heard!!! HE said NIGGA!!! WHAT?!??!?!"

Together-Breakup!!!

You have invested a lot of time and energy with him/her and after yaw have agreed to move in together, yaw get married. But after a while with life's experiences together things start to go sour to the point that you both agree that you'd rather just divorce/separate. Here in lies the problems:

You got kid/s
You bout a house that requires 2 incomes
The sex is good enough to stay
It's complicated to where you Hate to Love them, but you also Love to Hate them.
Everything is questioned in regards to opinions
You both agree to not let the child/ren see you argue
You sleep together to keep the 'Family' concept in perception of the child/ren
Bills are too much for just one person
You don't talk about it to other people/family cuz you know their opinions mean a lot to you.

Simply put its complicated!!!

We've all seen/heard where people been married for 18+ years and then get a divorce.

What makes a person sacrifice so much time and themselves to deny what could be a better life with someone?

Are the kids mindset, friends/family opinions that strong that we let that dictate our lives?

Thin A$$ Paper

We all have been to a restroom where we immediately, without thought, go to grab that Thin A$$ Paper to put on the toilet. Little do we know that Thin A$$ Paper is just a mind game to convince you that you are 'Protected' from the previous person's germy A$$. This Thin A$$ Paper can't stop a cold let alone a booger. We need to invest in some Lysol-enhanced Thin A$$ Paper. There is definitely some money that I'm missing out on when it comes to Thin A$$ Paper. All I need to do is put on the outside of the box of 150 count statin' that 'Your A$$ Is Covered with Nature-Scented aroma mixed with the 99.9% protection of Lysol'. Sides, I don't know anybody that has gotten a disease, STD, from a toilet seat. Here it is, that Thin A$$ Paper aint nothing but a mind game to convince you that you are protected from the previous person's A$$. Bring's new meaning to the phrase "I guess you A$$ed out"

My Signs are CLEAR, FELLAS!!!!

Ladies, we've all been there. It seems inevitable that at some point in our day that we're going to be bombarded with dumb a$$ed questions from a male that doesn't know how to read the signs! The funny part is 75% of the time WE are going to be written off as being a "bytch", "stuck up", or some other nonsense just because some sap can't accept the fact that we didn't leave the house because we wanted to talk to his "no rap" ass!

READ THE DAMN SIGNS

We're not ignoring you because we don't see you! We saw you (sometimes before you even saw us) and you just LOOK like you have some dumb shyt to say!

What do we do?

1. We walk quickly. This is in hopes that you will see our sense of urgency. We have somewhere to be. No time to chitty chat. Thanks for yellin some odd compliment! Alright...now keep it movin!

2. We fiddle with our phones NOT because we want to put your number in it. It is so that you see our attention is elsewhere: texting, emailing, about to place a call.

3. Wearing earphones. Nicca BEAT IT! I see your lips movin just like u see me jammin to the ipod. I will take it off ONCE to hear what you're yappin about. If I place it back on quickly...please don't say anything else. Its just rude.

4.I aint smilin for a reason - to appear less friendly! You shouldve seen me 5 minutes ago. I was living and loving life but then I saw your ass! I want to look as unapproachable as possible.

5. Pretending to be sleep. LOL, this only works on Metro.

But some of you just don't get it! You speedball straight pass all the signs and ask DUMBASS questions like:

Why you look so mean?

I was clearly hoping not to have this discussion with you!

Can I go with you?

What kinda madness is this? Firstly, if you have no other place to be WHY ON EARTH do I want you coming with me? And why are you just standing around hollering at women?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I'm walking 75mph AND listening to my ipod...WTH do you think?

Are you calling me?

I hate this line! No I am not nor will I be any time in the future.

Where your man at?

You stopped me, had me take off my ear phones...and THIS...THIS is what you want to ask me? KIM

I mean, really? What ever happened to gentlemen? Does anyone know how to effectively communicate their interest anymore?

Extend your hand. Introduce yourself. Give an appropriate compliment (NOT DAMN you phat) but more important

PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS!!!!

Sheesh

~CSD