Dronk and Sober

BET Award Tweets

2009-06-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

This is my take on that show....in REALTIME! LOL

RT @trayceejackson: good heavens - where is neyo's hat???? RIGHT!!!about 12 hours ago from UberTwitter

*tears*about 12 hours ago from UberTwitter

Wtf?about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

Gruzilla baby!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

Aiiight I'm no longer watching the awards I'm watchin the @lilduval and @drydickdonnie show! Ya'll should, too!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @lilduval: if u still watching the bet awards your bored as shit and lonely <---IM OFFICIALLY DEAD and need a tribute! LMAOabout 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @tabiBonney: Let us all be thankful that the O jays nvr did crack.They look & sound way bttr than GUY & theyr like 50yrs <-but drunk! LLSabout 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

Eddie been drankin out tpain red cupabout 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

I'm sho don need his pamper changed by now...BOOOO gtfo the stage! WRAP IT UP BOX!!!!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

Does don know where he is? Get to the moral of the storyabout 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

Again I say HOT DAMN @songzyuuup. *sheesh*about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @tabiBonney: Johnny Gill is an intense slave. Wahahahahaaaa!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

@songzyuuup can DEF get it every day of the week and 7 times on sunday!!!!!!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @Wale: im sittin in front of tatyana ali..its taking alot of self control for me not to say "happy brthday ashley" while tevns on stge..labout 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @drydickdonnie: i cant believe don cornelious came back from da dead to do da BET AWARDS <--he was just whoopin his woman ass last year!about 13 hours ago from UberTwitter

Don cornelius whooped a bitch ass...why HE there?about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

That bish got a jheri curl mohawk and Jay z teef.about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @trayceejackson: RT @cthagod Joe Jackson look like the Grinch that Stole MJ's childhood....---------- DAYUM. Wahahahahahahahaaa!!!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @mikey504: RT @Tre_B: joe jackson looks like the villain off the mask....when he put the mask on. Yaw dumb as shat!!!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @solangeknowles: Loving these BET tweets. Comedy. COSIGN!!!!!!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Monica is THAT BISH!!!!!!!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Neyo looks like a dick!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @FaithFulRoyalty: Aaron Hall looks like Eddie Cain in 5 Heartbeats lol. Wahahahahahahaaaabout 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Punch a bitch like this? Can't be right!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Awwwwww shat big butt and smile shakin!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @trayceejackson: keith sweats hype man looks a MESS!!!!!!!! Uh? I can't imagine that job pays well! Bwahaha KS hype man!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

My daughte said she wants keith sweat off stageabout 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @drydickdonnie: i need a girl dat got her own cause i aint got shit. Wahahahahahahaha....I'm bout ta UNFOLLOW his ass b4 I DIE laffin!!!about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Fuck off at awl yall that's hatin on my future stalkin victim Jame Foxxabout 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @questlove: RT @dreamhampton: RT @basseyworld @jcedric81 I wish BET died and MJ did a tribute to them...... LMATFOabout 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @drydickdonnie: a diva is a female version of a stuck up bitch. Wahahahahahaaaabout 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

She should punch her in da face fa tellin her biznessabout 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

She had a baby?about 14 hours ago from UberTwitter

Uh? I was ready to do the beyonce booty shake...now I need to repent!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

Tpain fitna be TWISTED!!!! Where he get a cookout cup?about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

Yeah swag is on but I wish his mic was OFF!!!!!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

Tiny and Toya are gettin PUNKED! They aint gettin no show! They gon be a showcase of HOT GHETTO MESS!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

Traaaaaavis!!!!!!!!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

Owwwwwww....I LOVE his ASS!!!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @trayceejackson: i cannot believe joe jackson came 2 the awards - im sorry but his ass needs 2 be HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! He lookin fa bishes!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

FUCK NE-YO!!!!!! Bring out Ike...I mean Chris Brown!!!!!!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

In the words of that dude. WTF is Keri Hilson?????? Lmaoabout 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

RT @lilduval: And I thought Bobby brown was Tito Jackson fat as he got. Wahahahahahaa! RIGHT! Thought he was my baby daddy!about 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

@bahama I would BREATHE ALL on em! Llsabout 15 hours ago from UberTwitter

@trayceejackson and @bahama yall KNOW I LOVE that man! SHAAAAATTTTT!!! Jamie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

I LOVE U JAMIE!!!!!!!!!!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

Awww hell they sound BAD!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

New edition. Owwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

Owwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

Brian from Day 26 CSGI!!!!!!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

My bad! Nobody CGI. Lls. @trayceejackson. What I say?about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

Marlon wayans can SHOLEY GET IT!!!!!!!about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

Why boyfriend#2s dancers look like they bouta do laundry in jail?about 16 hours ago from UberTwitter

My vodka is gone! Booooooooabout 17 hours ago from UberTwitter

Just saw @lalavasquez on the red carpet GLAM!about 17 hours ago from UberTwitter

Kiss and MAKE UP sex!!!!

2009-05-11T06:57:00.001-07:00

Do I have to GRAB the back of your neck to make you listen to me?

Temperatures are rising. Tongues are lashing. Emotions are at an all time high. Fury, coupled with passion get the best of you and the tone takes a drastic turn, for the better?

What IS it about make up sex that is so thrilling? The intensity? The comfort of knowing that your "sweetie" is STILL your "sweetie? The subtle combination of love and hate?

I dunno...but i'm READY to pick a fight!

LOL

The TRUTH about the Friend Zone

2009-05-07T09:07:00.001-07:00

"I LOVE you, but I'm NOT IN love with you"

THEE dreaded words that ultimately confine you to dun, dun, dun THE FRIEND ZONE!

From the female perspective, I must say that the proverbial leap from the friend zone to relationship is a task that, most often, is NOT going to happen. In fact, I believe that the friend zone is NOT the percieved "relationship purgatory" that women market it as. Instead, its Hell - THE FIERY pits of it.

First off, if you've been put "in the friend zone" its safe to assume that you have made your interest known. By ACCEPTING your placement "on the bench" you have relinquished ALL power. You're a puppet. AND YOU WILL DANCE!

You get the calls in time of need. You do the dirty work. You partake in all of the things that "relationship guy" isn't going to touch. He's never going to touch it either, not as long as you are hanging in the shadows. THAT female knows the power that she has over you and she is going to use it to her advantage, albeit sometime its not intentional. YOU are her "friend". You care for her. You will be there. THAT'S what friends are for!

Now? We see TFZ romanticized often; however, I am here to tell you. Lurking in the friend zone for the perfect opportunity to sweep ya gal pal off her feet is not romantic - its predatory and definitely playing with fire! The fact is, the moment you hop off that bench, become the shoulder to cry on, and jump into a physical relationship (under false pretenses) you are no longer "the friend" you are "the rebound man" - which is an entirely different story.

I could go on & on about TFZ...

Let's get it crackin! What are your thoughts?

You Got KNOCKED the FUUUUUUG OUT!

2009-05-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Boy, am I glad I didn’t pay for THAT SHAT?

I’m grateful that someone else did, though. It was AMAZING. 2 minutes and 58 seconds of pure AZZ whooping! I really thought Hatton was DEAD!

As I sat on the couch, minorly buzzed, I began to think of all the things that I had done that night that lasted LONGER than Hatton’s ass!

It took longer than 3 minutes for me to:

Get dressed to go TO the fight party

GET to the fight party

POUR my drink at the fight party

DRINK my drink at the fight party

Update my Facebook status approxiomately 332 times

Take my SHOES off at the fight party. SIDEBAR: Why black folks always want you take your shoes off in their house? But the carpet ain’t even clean? Please take your CARPET off!

What’s YOUR take? NOT on the carpet? LOL

Wanted: Write your Classified

2009-04-21T03:19:00.000-07:00

Carmen Cosmo is ISO:

A 5 bedroom home that cleans itself. Must perform electroshock therapy on smart mouth children for THINKIN about doing wrong.

Home should self stock itself with steaks, batteries, and champagne. Should also have self camoflauge abilities to dodge ALL bills and unwanted guests (particularly bill collectors).

Willing to pay up to 7mil...after self camo abilities are proven!

CarmenCosmo lists herself:

Are you in the market for a modern day Stepford wife? This 2010 model: cooks, cleans, nurses, brings home the bacon AND satisfies!

I take GREAT pride in making my man happy, to the fullest! Wanna watch the game? No problem! Wanna hang out with the fellas? NO problem! Matter of fact...invite the fellas over! I LOVE to cater to my man AND his friends.

Call me your homie lover friend!

Interested individuals are free to inquire within.

*Must mention, said model has a HEAVY alcohol intake and is liable to say ANYTHING when inebriated. Previous info should not be perceived as factual!

LLS

Promise me you won't get mad.

2009-04-17T10:36:00.001-07:00

Aint this some sh!t? Here it is, you know the information you about to get is gonna make you mad. Whenever those words come out it instantly makes your being unsettled and upset. Regardless of if you promise or not, you gonna get mad. How can you expect a person not to get mad? It's obvious that the person knows you well enough to know what ticks you off. This to me is the 'Ultimate Cop Out!'

And why is it that the person has convinced themselves that you 'shouldn't really be mad' cuz they bein' honest?

What's your take?

Vintriloquity

2009-04-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

Don't you wish you had a Dummy to talk to all the Dummies you come in contact with. Just think, whenever somebody come at you with a stupid question, observation or look the Dummy automatically says what's on YOUR mind.

Here some phrases the Dummy would use in Response:
"Don't you see HE workin'?"
"Now's not a good time"
"Didn't He give that answer already?"
"Are you sure you wanna do that?"
"Can't you see HE eatin'? He don't come at you desk askin you questions during lunch do HE?"
"You might want to do some'n bout that 'friend' you got hangin in ya nose!"
"You know what, HE didn't speak to you earlier. Let's keep it that way. BYE!!!"
"NO!!! HE already said he got plans for lunch!!!"
"If HIS music too loud, maybe you aint focused enough on ya work"
"Sho Wuz!!! That's what you heard!!! HE said NIGGA!!! WHAT?!??!?!"

Together-Breakup!!!

2009-03-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

You have invested a lot of time and energy with him/her and after yaw have agreed to move in together, yaw get married. But after a while with life's experiences together things start to go sour to the point that you both agree that you'd rather just divorce/separate. Here in lies the problems:

You got kid/s
You bout a house that requires 2 incomes
The sex is good enough to stay
It's complicated to where you Hate to Love them, but you also Love to Hate them.
Everything is questioned in regards to opinions
You both agree to not let the child/ren see you argue
You sleep together to keep the 'Family' concept in perception of the child/ren
Bills are too much for just one person
You don't talk about it to other people/family cuz you know their opinions mean a lot to you.

Simply put its complicated!!!

We've all seen/heard where people been married for 18+ years and then get a divorce.

What makes a person sacrifice so much time and themselves to deny what could be a better life with someone?

Are the kids mindset, friends/family opinions that strong that we let that dictate our lives?

Thin A$$ Paper

2009-03-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

We all have been to a restroom where we immediately, without thought, go to grab that Thin A$$ Paper to put on the toilet. Little do we know that Thin A$$ Paper is just a mind game to convince you that you are 'Protected' from the previous person's germy A$$. This Thin A$$ Paper can't stop a cold let alone a booger. We need to invest in some Lysol-enhanced Thin A$$ Paper. There is definitely some money that I'm missing out on when it comes to Thin A$$ Paper. All I need to do is put on the outside of the box of 150 count statin' that 'Your A$$ Is Covered with Nature-Scented aroma mixed with the 99.9% protection of Lysol'. Sides, I don't know anybody that has gotten a disease, STD, from a toilet seat. Here it is, that Thin A$$ Paper aint nothing but a mind game to convince you that you are protected from the previous person's A$$. Bring's new meaning to the phrase "I guess you A$$ed out"

My Signs are CLEAR, FELLAS!!!!

2009-03-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

Ladies, we've all been there. It seems inevitable that at some point in our day that we're going to be bombarded with dumb a$$ed questions from a male that doesn't know how to read the signs! The funny part is 75% of the time WE are going to be written off as being a "bytch", "stuck up", or some other nonsense just because some sap can't accept the fact that we didn't leave the house because we wanted to talk to his "no rap" ass!

READ THE DAMN SIGNS

We're not ignoring you because we don't see you! We saw you (sometimes before you even saw us) and you just LOOK like you have some dumb shyt to say!

What do we do?

1. We walk quickly. This is in hopes that you will see our sense of urgency. We have somewhere to be. No time to chitty chat. Thanks for yellin some odd compliment! Alright...now keep it movin!

2. We fiddle with our phones NOT because we want to put your number in it. It is so that you see our attention is elsewhere: texting, emailing, about to place a call.

3. Wearing earphones. Nicca BEAT IT! I see your lips movin just like u see me jammin to the ipod. I will take it off ONCE to hear what you're yappin about. If I place it back on quickly...please don't say anything else. Its just rude.

4.I aint smilin for a reason - to appear less friendly! You shouldve seen me 5 minutes ago. I was living and loving life but then I saw your ass! I want to look as unapproachable as possible.

5. Pretending to be sleep. LOL, this only works on Metro.

But some of you just don't get it! You speedball straight pass all the signs and ask DUMBASS questions like:

Why you look so mean?

I was clearly hoping not to have this discussion with you!

Can I go with you?

What kinda madness is this? Firstly, if you have no other place to be WHY ON EARTH do I want you coming with me? And why are you just standing around hollering at women?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I'm walking 75mph AND listening to my ipod...WTH do you think?

Are you calling me?

I hate this line! No I am not nor will I be any time in the future.

Where your man at?

You stopped me, had me take off my ear phones...and THIS...THIS is what you want to ask me? KIM

I mean, really? What ever happened to gentlemen? Does anyone know how to effectively communicate their interest anymore?

Extend your hand. Introduce yourself. Give an appropriate compliment (NOT DAMN you phat) but more important

PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS!!!!

Sheesh

~CSD

Blue Balls!!!

2009-02-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been with someone and the desire was soo strong you just know that it was goin' down. But unfortunately it DIDNT!!! Well Blue Balls is what you get if you a male. The blood rushes to ya Member and all the juices start to flow cuz you grindin, kissin, feelin her up then all of a sudden you are interrupted. Now is not the time to have an interruption without an 'E'ruption. As if the feelin in your stomach aint enough cuz you just realized it's NOT goin down, but now you got this feelin in ya Balls like you bout to pass gas. When you get up to walk there aint no remedy. You walkin like you steppin on egg shells, ever so careful. All you really need to do is just Buss, but that aint bout to happen cuz your mind is still in 'Freak' mode.

Ladies, what happens to you when your body is at it's peak and nothing happens?

911 is a joke?

2009-02-11T06:10:00.000-08:00

I've caught many stories recently, in which, folks have been abusing the police system by calling 911, undeservingly. They've ranged in ridiculousness.

This morning I was intrigued by a story of a 66 year old Florida man who was jailed for calling 911...get this...because a drive thru was out of lemonade! Bwahahahahhaahahahahahaaaa

Now, I'm assuming that this man was "in his right mind" as he is permitted to operate a vehichle. So, this leads me to believe that this man was (a) EXTREMELY high or (b) thirsty as hell. Whatever the case may be, he clearly has a strong liking of lemonade and was PISSED that he couldn't get it.

This morning I'm thinking how nice it would be if I could call the police because SOMETHING has pissed me off (and not suffer any consequences). I would definitely call 911:

On my coworker for not getting the bottoms of her pants tailored. I have YET to see her shoes.

On OASDI for taking taxes out my check.

On my alarm clock for waking my ass up in the morning.

On my alarm clock for NOT waking my ass up in the morning.

On clothing designers that insist that I wear a size {number removed}. I clearly am a size 4!!! Stop laughing.

On my job for being far!

On the next coworker to point out how big my ass is in my pants.

On the media for this Chrihanna coverage.

On my children for repeatedly calling my name.

On my boo for not paying me enough attention.

On everyone that doesn't pay me a LOT of attention.

On this creepy guy staring for paying TOO much attention.

On my WORK for not doing itself so I can blog!!!!!!!!

Who you reporting??????????

Black History Month

2009-02-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

What African American had the greatest influence on you? A civil rights leader, parent(s), local community activist, inventor, Politician, Reverend, Patent Pending, Artist?

Who do you want to recognize as an influential figure in your life?

ColdPlay dresses as Cereal?

2009-02-09T08:37:00.001-08:00

Last night while watching those Grammys…LOL…I had an overwhelming urge to indulge in Rice Krispies. I blame the stylist of Cold Play. I was also utterly confused about what they were so worked up about? Falling out on the ground? Sweating like Richard Simmons? Maybe my sound was on delay?

Katy Perry was another fashion faux pas! I Kissed a Girl…but did you drown her in a fruit salad? http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/food/fruit_bowl440.jpg I’m also quite convinced that she was recreating Brit Brits ever-so-famous “comeback. I mean REALLY? Sometimes it’s okay not to dance.

Kanye, Kanye Kanye? Aside from the fact that he was getting his 80s Peobo Bryson on

http://assets.mog.com/amg/pop/cov200/drd100/d109/d10921vu1o1.jpg

I was kinda proud that he didn’t have one of his annual “fits”! I, do, admit that I was quite boggled by his performance with Estelle. It was almost as if they snuck that performance in before presenting their award.

I was LOVING the Jonas Brothers. They are going to go far!

I gotta get some work done….

I’ll continue in a few!

Winter Weight/Wait

2009-02-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

We all know that when Winter comes around so do the Pounds. You gots Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years all within a month of each other. And some of us have Birthdays in there as well. Needless to say we puts on Weight that must be kept warmed with our Winter Outfits. Did I mention office parties and the Superbowl as well? Is it by nature (think Bears) that we put this weight on or do we just get greedy cuz it aint nothing really nothing we can do to exercise. Then for those of us who are at least making an attempt to stay in shape, we have the Winter Wait! Winter Wait is when you have to wait till spring to come in order to start a workout regimen.

What you Weightin For?

The Art of Facebook Mackin'

2009-02-05T09:13:00.000-08:00

We’ve all seen it. The resident FB body who often has NO picture or just one picture on their profile. There are no wall posts or status updates and the info section generally says “ask me”.

He/she is a FB Mack.

This individual NEVER comments on your status; instead, they send responses directly to your inbox or “chats you up”. The message titles are usually “Hi”, “Hey”, or “What’s up”. Messages are generally short and possibly filled with unnecessary slang. “What’s wrong, Ma”? “If I were your man, Hun”! “Can I get to know you sweetie”?

The FB mack never wants to be tagged in photos. It’s proof of where he’s been and who he knows.

The FB mack “friend surfs”. He/she has often found you on another person’s page and is known to lurk comments that you post elsewhere.

The FB mack quite often is listed as “In a relationship” and sometimes has a link to said significant other.

The FB mack is ALWAYS communicate via FB Mobile…cuz he/she is always on the go.

These are just a FEW of MY telltale signs…have you seen this Mack?

Take One for the Team!!

2009-02-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever went out on a date with a person that you were doing a 'Favor' for? Call it a Blind date or maybe it was someone that was attracted to you but you definitely was attracted to. Anyway how do you convince yourself that you gonna do it ONLY cuz you gonna take this one for the team. And what does the 'Team' have to do with your personal preference?

Tell me your 'Team' story.

Grown and Grown!!!

2009-02-05T05:39:00.001-08:00

Is being grown all that you thought it would be? I know when I was growin up as an adolescent the only thing I could think of was Not doing what my parents say. I couldn't wait till I was 'Grown' to do MY thang. Now that I'm grown I start to realize that it changes your whole perspective on life. Things have changed dramatically. I find myself having the mindset of my parents.

When I get 'free' time all I wanna do is lay around the house and watch T.V. (maybe cuz it's winter time).

I find myself saying the songs that are sampled in today's music. I know the 'Original' to songs that are remade.

The mailbox is the most un-anticipated place to go when I get home.

Thinkin bout groceries 1-3 times a week is a part of my life's meaning.

Goin out to clubs is a disappointment waiting to happen cuz them same Ni99uhs and Ni99rettes are still there lookin like an incest family.

Spirituality has more meaning now.

Memories of times past are becoming 20 year anniversaries. 10 years ago was 1999 and everyone was panicked over the Year 2000 computation scare. When people went out to buy water, tape and other nonsense (I wonder if they've used it up already)

Getting a Job was just a matter of gettin off ya Arse and sayin 'I want to work'.

You find yourself sayin' Damn!! Yo Arse is gettin old! to babies who are now teenagers then you realize the older they get the older YOU get.

Its HUMP day

2009-02-04T04:22:00.000-08:00

What's on ya mind?

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!!!!!!!!

2009-02-03T06:34:00.001-08:00

Admit it! You were just as curious as I was. I fought and toyed with the idea of NOT watching; yet, my interest was piqued.

I thought he was handsome some 20 years ago acting alongside of Sinbad. I found him to be an adorable “annoying little brother” as the years progressed. Jammed to his music and still kept an “awwwwwwwww” in the back of my mind. I mean he is a cutie in a “Brandy’s Brother” kinda way.

For the Love of Ray-J!!!!! That alone makes me giggle! I’m really LinOL as I type.

It was amazing! I could not get the sound of Stewart (from Mad TV) outta my head! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! In fact, I’m thinking that these reality love show should just be called, such.

My take on last nights show.

1. I thought it was truly ~~odd~~ interesting that the show started with a Ray-J concert. I mean if you’re going to question these chicks motives for being on the show…we need to look at yours. Ray? Are you looking for love? LLS – I don’t think so!

2. Is anyone REALLY looking for love on this show. They can fake ALL they want to…them bytches came to screw! It’s a BONUS that it isn’t Flav. They saw that damned tape!

3. Face tattoos? Not hot at all; however, by the end of the show…I was kinda thinking that the chick wasn’t as dumb as she looked (with a tattoo on her face). She actually started to appear somewhat attractive to me. IJS?

4. WET N WAVY TRACKS AND DRAWN ON EYEBROWS ARE ALWAYS A NO NO! I do not care what Ki Ki and them told you or how GOOT they hooked you up! You should be Searchin for a Stylist and not Lookin for Love!

5. What is a God Sister? LLS…stop it!

6. These women appear to be AWFULLY fond of each other. Am I trippin?

7. WTH is wrong with the lighting? Why does it look so different than all the other “of Love” series. Is this one supposed to be more grown up?

8. What is a God Sister? Vh1 is making ya’ll look STUPID!

9. What is an Atomic Bomb…CLASSIC shyt right there! LMAO I think reality tv has proven that it is much more common than not to “be just a pretty face”. Poor thing.

10. Since WHEN was Chardonnay “such a classy drink”? I’d think it’s the most COMMON white wine and that you didn’t have time to research and find something else to say.

11. If someone doesn’t pull that Genuine girl’s wig forward????? OOOOHHHHHHH…imam fight them!

I don’t even wanna talk about this anymore! LMAO…I gots work ta do!

S.H.H.H.H. - School of Hip Hop Hip Hop

2009-02-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome class. Glad you could join me in your endeavor to become more educated on Hip Hop. As you all know, Hip Hop is a lost art. There are maybe 5 Hip Hop artists to date that are still pushing out the music. A lot of you may be wondering why I say this, well if you really look at the lyrics of today you'll understand why 'RAP' isn't considered Hip Hop. Rap has evolved to basically a catchy hook with catchy music and/or samples of 'Real' music. Some of you have grown up listening to Snoop, Luda, Outkast, T-Pain, Lil Boosie and the like and thinkin you was up on the Music tip. But I'm here to let you know that that music is just sampled beated up 808 music with nothing but catchy hook phrases. Real Hip Hop had a message, a thought, a story that captured your mind to want to do better and in some cases 'BE'. Now lyrical conscientiousness is what Hip Hop was about. 'It's not about a salary it's all about reality'. That right there speaks volumes. Todays' artists are strictly about a salary, they just express it in the form of Louis XII, bling, rims, cars, hoes, G5s, black cards etc. Not once do they mention, homelessness, Government, environment, economic displacement, poverty, high school drop outs, suicide rate. This is REALITY! That is what needs to be put on a record (record is what youngins calls CD or mp3). When was the last time your listened to Pete Rock and CL Smooth's T.R.O.Y.? If it wasn't for VH1's Hip Hop Honors these artists would be long forgotten. And why do you think I posted Big Daddy Kane? Well dwell on this verse..

Rappers stepping to me they want to get some
But I'm the Kane, so yo, you know the outcome
Another victory
They can't get with me
So pick a BC date cause you're history
I'm the authentic poet to get lyrical
For you to beat me, it's gonna take a miracle
And, stepping to me, yo that's the wrong move
So what you on, Hobbs, dope or dog food?
Competition I just devour
Like a pitbull against a Chihuahua
Cause when it comes to being dope, hot damn
I got it good, now let me tell you who I am
The B-I-G D-A-double D-Y K-A-N-E
Dramatic, Asiatic, not like many
I'm different, so don't compare me to another
Cause they can't hang, word to the mother
At least not with the principal in this pedigree
So when I roll on you rappers, you better be
Ready to die because you're petty
You're just a butter knife, I'm a machete
That's made by Ginzu, wait until when you
Try to front, so I can chop into
Your body, just because you try to be basing
Friday the 13th, I'mma play Jason
No type of joke, gag, game, puzzle or riddle
The name is Big Daddy, yes Big not little
So define it
Here's your walking papers, sign it
And take a walk
As the Kane start to talk, cause...

Males at Baby Showers

2009-01-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

Now I will admit I have been at a 1 Baby Shower. Needless to say it was not the place I wanted to be. If it had not been for it being my 1st niece I wouldn't have been there. To me this is strictly a female event. Men are totally outta place, uncomfortable and are only there because they are 'In Love' with their new BM. Babies are a blessing but being around females, booties, diapers, bibs, toys, small clothes that a grown woman aint wearin', cribs, nursery books, car seats and the like are not where a man needs to be. We are not thinkin bout colors, remote speakers, blankets or anything pertaining to 'baby'. All we are there for are food, desserts and drinks. We aint got time for games, talkin to women who are discussing what we gon dew. We wanna watch the game, play on the playstation, check our fantasy team, talk about Kim Kardashian's arse.

Sorry Baby, but we got the rest of your life to spend time with you aint no need to glorify this Anticipated Overrated Baby Inaugaration Address.

Baby Showers are sooo not necessary!

WTF Friday?????

2009-01-29T12:45:00.000-08:00

So….its Friday, AGAIN…and I’m pondering the many questions of life! LOL, such as:

WTF??????

WTF can’t I get to work on time – no matter HOW early I get up?

WTF is there always someone on the train HOGGIN a seat. Your water did NOT pay a fare!

WTF do people schedule early morning meetings on Friday? Don’t they know Thursday is drankin night?

WTF can’t I quit FaceBook?

WTF do people insist on talking to me early in the morning?

WTF does the Real Chance at Love reunion come on every night? 5 times?

WTF do I watch it EVERY time?

WTF is the purpose of a 5 day workweek?

WTF is this on the bottom of my jeans?

WTF are people in this office so loud?

WTF do people insist on putting shyt in my inbox?

WTF do people want to share their issues…they GOTTA know I’m not listening?

WTF am I gonna get some? UGH!

WTF is on YOUR mind?

Hand Me a Clock?

2009-01-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

Reality TV has been suggested to me a MULTITUDE of times; however, never quite as OFFENSIVE as what I'm about to tell ya.

I was having, what seemed to be, a perfectly normal conversation with my current love interest. Real Chance at Love was on my television. (It wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping my attention, I might add). That’s when he said it! “Why don’t you go on one of those”?

WTF?????????

Did I miss something?

So I investigate further by asking “WHY on EARTH would I need to do that”? He responds, “To get your blog going”?

Are we serious? Really? Now I know that Patent and I are the only folks that comment on our blog BUT we’ve only given the address to one person.

THESE are all things that I’d rather do than EXPLOIT myself and family because I want attention:

NOT blog while at work

Pay my taxes

Eat with Anthony Bourdain

Go on tour with Souljah Boy

BUY a Souljah Boy album

~~DATE Souljah Boy~~

Vote Republican

Count my eyelashes

Pay child support

Pay spousal support

Take out the trash

Bathe in the trash

Loan my vagina to Pam Anderson (she gets it in)

Diet with Nicole Ritchie

NOT blog at work

DO SOME WORK

Clip my grandma’s toenails (she asks)

Befriend Danny Bonaduce

Give up my Blackberry

Keep up with the Jackson’s noses

Keep up with Lil Kim’s noses

Do Jim Jones’ laundry

Piss off Kanye

Ponder life w/ Lil Wayne

Be Bobby Brown

…and that’s just off the top of my head!

UGH!

Would the REAL musicians PLEASE STAND UP?

2009-01-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not a fan of radio much, these days!

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE music! Every so often I catch an “ear glimpse” into the world of music by listening to some of the CRAP my kids chant around the house. I grew up in the era of NWA and Uncle Luke (LOL) and remember the struggle against censorship; however, this crap today…is on the RADIO!

These are just some of the reasons I think MUSIC, not just hip-hop, is dead:

Wait’ll you see my d*ck

Ummm…..ok? Ladies? You have got to tell me that this is not where we are with pick up lines! First off….Imma go head and say it. Those brothers are NO LOOKERS. Now you mean to tell me that the most clever thing that they can come up with to say to a chick is wait til you see my d*ck? I think I’m going to pass!

Fabolous

Otay, Buckwheat. Why do people feel like they can just make up their own damned words? Now, Mary jumped ALL the way out there and invented a whole new language with “Family Affair” *giggles* and I’m with you Mary. But how do you take a REAL word and just spell it any ole way you want to? “Hands in the Ayer”? WTF???? That better be a tribute!

“Lesson 8…conversate”

You keep right on conversating, girl! LOL, the rest of will be right over here speaking English.

PLIES!!!!!!!

Ugh! Sit down! I don’t even want to elaborate on this. This man is gonna encourage a WHOLE lotta little girls to be disappointments to their daddies.

Champagne equating success

If I hear one more song poppin a damned bottle??????? WTH? Can we pop something else for a change? Maybe some Bonds, IRAs, Investments, some form of saving some $$$$. I’ll sing that song. WHOOOOA we going to the bank…..OOOOOOH! LOL

Subtle sexual innuendo

Have you listened to some of these damned lyrics? Can you keep up by DC (and Kidz Bop did a cover) WTF????? There is nothing worse than hearing your innocent baby walking arount singing bout "beating it like a cop"!

Chopped and Screwed

Why, oh why? This phrase has officially taken over the English language. SEND IT BACK! It’s not the only one either! “Get like me”, “Ain’t trickin if you got it”, “Swagga like”, “Please Excuse My Hands” and any other phrase overused on MySpace taglines!

Crank Dat Superman, Spiderman, Robocop, Porky Pig, Popeye the Sailorman, Strawberry Shortcake

What in the blazin blue balls is that lil fellers problem? Seriously. SD&STFU sometimes

ENVELOP FOLLOWERS

Leave that shyt in the 80s with Zapp and Roger Troutman, Please! Leave me with my memories of Computer Love!

Sheesh….that’s all. For NOW!

Brrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

2009-01-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

It's Beginning to look a LOT like Christmas, yes?

So, I'm perusing Facebook this morning and notice that a LOT of folks are not fond of the snow. I, being a winter baby, absolutely LOVE the snow!!! There is just something so romantic and peaceful about it!

Days off!

Sledding and skiing!

Hot chocolate with the kids!

Snow angels!

Being "shut in"!

Cuddling!

The list goes on!

Ahhhhhhhhh! Can't wait to get home, have a drink, and ROLL down the church hill!

Later!

I Love You...Not!

2009-01-26T15:02:00.001-08:00

I remember it like yesterday! Only it was 2 years ago. Getting DUMPED on Valentines Day. Well actually, I never officially GOT dumped. Based on hear say...he just decided NEVER to speak to me again. LOL!

Made it a bit difficult to repossess my car from him. This also made the romantic weekend get away that I had planned...quite awkward! LOL; yet, sobbing at the same time!

What is your WORST Valentine memory???

2009-01-26T10:39:00.000-08:00

You ever have one of them days? Your tired and you have to go to bed ASAP so you can get as much rest as possible in order to function best you can. Then it crosses your mind to just 'Fukitol'. I mean really, you can take a hit from missing 1 day of work, rigt?

WTF were they thinking?

2009-01-26T06:59:00.001-08:00

Now I love me some "Purple One" but each morning, as I travel into work, the iPod pops this album cover up...and I can't help but giggle? Seriously, it never fails!

My Top 5 WTF moments:

5. Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie - Seriously...WTF???? I STILL don't think I...quite sure...understand? I don't even know?

4. Dave Chappelle Show ending - WHO saw that coming? My feelings are still hurt over that!

3. Being Bobby Brown - *giggles* That's bout it. I'm just gonna giggle!

2. Flava Flav gets women to fight over him - My ass can't find a decent guy SHITWHERE; however, Flava Flav has endless flocks of women fighting over him? Life is sooooo unfair!

...and #1 would have to be:

Terrance Howard sings! Thats it! Thats all! There ain't no more!

What makes you say WTF?

Hate, Hate, Hate!

2009-01-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! Who you "hatin" on?

Top 5 Reasons I HATE the Metro: Today

2009-01-23T07:45:00.001-08:00

Okay, so the Metro has its pluses; however, lately I have been forced to observe ALL of the reasons why Metro is not my friend.

5. Punctuality - Metro clearly has a blatant disrespect for me being on time. When I'm on time - they're LATE. When I'm late - They're LATE AS HEL. When I'm early - well...shyt i'm SURE they'd find some way to EFF that up, too!

4. Tourist - enough said! My black ass is trynna get to work. You're pissin me off with your FBI hats and cameras flashing! Why are you even up and out at this time? SHEESH

3. Escalators - Dawg? You may as well just call them stairs! They are never functioning in the direction that I want to go in. Up or Down? LOL, though it's nothing like arriving at a Metro station with a 2,000 foot ascent and seeing it not functioning. Shouts of SHIIT! FUUGGGG THIS! AWWWWW MAAAAAN! are hilarious!

2. Lap Dancers - Man? you know you got a big ass! I GOT a big ass! Why do you wanna come sit right HERE???? Get up OFF my lap!

1. Gas - Anonymous gas. You can't hold that shyt in? Once those doors close...we ALL trapped and suffocated! Then it leaves you playin the guessing game...Who Dealt it???? Who tends to get blamed? The person with the biggest butt, right? NOT good for me if I'm standing!

Ugh!

FlashBack Friday!

2009-01-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

Remember when?

The only folks that had cell phones were doctors and hustlers?

“your Muva” was thee single most vicious thing you could EVER say to someone?

Television shows actually had casts?

Michael Jackson was THE MAN?

Pong could entertain you for HOURS? I mean it was a little ass line and a ball and a “bloop” sound! AMAZING!

Superman the movie looked believable? LOL, the special effects NOW look whack as hell!

Bobby Brown was a heartthrob?

You used to sit by the radio with your finger on the “Record” button, trynna make a mixtape? LOL OR video mixtape while watching Video Soul?

You called someone and got that annoying busy tone. Wasn’t nothing you could do but WAIT…or do an “emergency breakthrough”. LMAO

You could play on peoples phones WITHOUT them calling you back. I KNOW ITS YOU RAY-RAY! The caller ID say Ray Smif!

Getting touched on the butt (or touching a girls butt) was like sex?

You thought the year 2000 was gonna be like the Jetsons?

Biker shorts were the rage?

Your time telling skills were based on “when the street lights came on”?

You paid damn near $100 for an outfit that looked like someone had worn it for years? USED jeans man? LOL

Jim Carey was funny?

One pair of shoe laces just WASN’T enough?

For my DC folks

Remember when:

You didn’t have cable…you had Super TV?

Work the Walls got a REAL video?

Crystal Skate was the “hangout”?

You wanted to be on that Dance Connection with the “Moon Man”?

You’d get dressed to go walk the strip at Hains Point and see who could get the most numbers?

Landover Mall had stores?

Baltimore seemed like another country? Well? LOL

There were concerts at the Capital Center?

They instituted uniforms in the schools?

You would get pysched to hear that police band come to your school?

EU went national with Go-Go?

Mostly I remember when my ass…

DIDN’T have to get up and go to work! SHEESH!

What do YOU remember?

Once Upon A Time

2009-01-10T14:01:00.001-08:00

Not long ago. We had a thought a creation to let yaw know.